What do you even call this last decade? We had the early aughts (2000-2009), and we’re heading into the ’20s.. which feels weird to say.. but what do you call 2010-2019?

This was an extremely transformative ten years.

In June of 2010, my six year relationship with Matt finally crashed and burned. For real this time. It had been a slow burn. It should have ended sooner but he was comfortable and safe and he knew me. He knew how to handle me. He knew all my stories and I knew all his. And his family. and his demons and his victories. And then over night he became a stranger. I’m not sure what was going on in his head, but when he left me, he did it all at once. He never answered my middle of the night ugly cry phone calls. He never answered my texts full of sad song lyrics. He was a ghost. A part of me is sad that someone I knew so intimately is now a stranger. I wouldn’t know him if I passed him on the street. But part of me feels like that’s what I needed it to be. All of him or none of him.

In September of 2010 I went on one my most favorite vacations ever– my parents and I drove north to visit my brother in Boston. Aside from the excessive snow, Boston is my dream city. It’s so magical to me- all the history, the cobbled streets, the men in suits..swoon… I spent a week bopping around with my family, and then a few days with just Colby. We took the bus to Manhattan and wandered the perimeter of Central Park. I was rich on youth and BP oil spill money. Highlights of the trip– au bon pain + fresh beauty came into my life. And I went to like… three different Anthropologies in ONE city. Living LARGE.

In October of 2010 I took one wrong step and broke my ankle. It was a doozy. I would need surgery and be non weight-bearing for four months. It was an interesting time for me. I was totally reliant on my parents. As a 25 year old who had been out of the nest for a few years, this was difficult. Throughout my youth I did a lot of dumb stuff that ultimately grew my relationship with my parents. Every dumb thing taught me I could come to them, and be honest, and ask for forgiveness and help– and they showed up. Every single time. This was another dumb thing. A big dumb thing. And they showed up. I truly don’t know what I would have done if they weren’t in my corner. Fun fact- you can’t wait tables with a broken ankle. And my wild summers of waiting tables by day and partying by night left me feeling tired and ready for change. I was going to find a new job. It would be easy.

..it was not easy. I went on so many interviews. It was discouraging. And scary. is this my life now?? Do I have to wait tables forever??

In March of 2011 I was called to interview with Avant-garde Salon to be a salon coordinator (whatever that meant). I was so out of my element. EVERYthing was next level beautiful. The space was beautiful. The staff was beautiful. I remember Sharon was very kind and Deke was very intimidating. A few weeks later Sharon called to offer me the job. That feeling of thrilling accomplishment is still tucked away in my heart. This was my chance for a new start. Don’t mess this up, Fox. I met some of my  dearest friends working at Avantgarde. Salon life taught me a lot about work and people and working with people- I would go on to manage a couple spas and so much of what I learned from watching Sharon and Deke stuck with me. The diplomacy, the make-it-work-ness, the struggle to manage crazy salon people and crazier salon employees. It’s hard work, rewarding, but hard.

In November of 2012 I met Nish. What started as doomed, long distance romance, has evolved into the sweetest, dearest friendship. I met Nish on the AJs dance floor. It was a whirlwind night, which ended with me not remembering his name and leaving without saying goodbye . A few weeks later we were reunited on the dance floor and this time I committed his name to memory. Nish. like fish..but with an N.. He was in town for a short TDY and would soon return to New Mexico. Nish was kind and exciting and devastatingly handsome. When work brought him to town we would be inseparable. And then he would leave. It wasn’t good for my heart. In 2013 Nish got stationed in Chattanooga, TN. I was deeply jealous that he had the excuse of work dictating where he would go next. I knew I wanted to leave Destin, but I didn’t want the responsibility to be on my shoulders. What if I chose incorrectly? What if I hated being somewhere new? He was the lucky one. I was stuck.

In March of 2013 Olive was born. The angel baby that turned my heart to goo. I have never felt more helpless in my life than when Meesh was trying to get pregnant. She wanted a little baby so badly and there was nothing I could do to make that happen for her. And now I’m holding this perfect little jelly bean made of squish and love and absolute magic. So. Many. Feelings. The thought of moving away completely left my mind. I wanted to be here, in Destin, watching this little girl grow and learn and become her own person.

In May of 2013 my best friend Sarah and I moved in together. The White Azalea was our adorable rental home in Mary Esther. A five minute walk to Target. A two minute drive to the drive thru Starbucks. Huge and cozy at the same time. We learned a lot about ourselves and each other living in that house.

In April of 2014 Sarah moved in with her (then) boyfriend, Brice. Another one bites the dust. I was a mess. I was working a job I really enjoyed, but I didn’t make enough to live on my own, I didn’t trust anyone else enough to live with them, I felt stuck.

The next few months were an interesting cluster of excitement. I moved back in with my parents. Nish started sending me job openings in Chattanooga and telling me how rad it was and how much I would love it. I was intrigued, and flattered he wanted me near him, but I wasn’t convinced.

In May of 2014 I quit my job at the salon and starting waiting tables at Pompano Joes again. But this time was different. I knew I had to get out of Florida. And the fastest way to do that was to stack an obscene amount of cash waiting tables at a tourist trap on the Gulf during peak season. The odds were in my favor. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I had never been so focused in my life. It was easy to say no to going out after work because I was working towards something bigger.

In July of 2014 I visited Nish in Chattanooga. It was a pretty drive. It was hotter than I was expecting. On my first night in town, he took me to a cute bar (The Social) and we ate cheese and had fancy drinks and went to an outdoor concert (Nightfall Concert Series), and walked along the river (Ross Landing). It was magic. That’s all it took. I was moving to Chattanooga. I stayed through the weekend. I explored mountains and neighborhoods, and started saying out loud “I’m moving to Chattanooga”. That was my plan.

In August of 2014 I had a phone interview with Jennie Gentry. It went well.  To show my commitment, I offered to drive up to Chattanooga for an in person interview. The spa was gorgeous. High end, in a cool neighborhood. Jennie could not have been cooler, or more kind. Terri marathon-interviewed me, hoping I’d talk too much and mess up. I didn’t. I interview well. It’s the putting up with me afterward that is troublesome. I left Chattanooga feeling confident and terrified.

In September of 2014 I visited my brother in New Orleans. I was distracted. I was expecting a call from Jennie to let me know if I got the job. In my head I was thinking, “I need my salary to be X to say yes. If it’s not X, I’ll say no.” Easy. I get the call. Jennie offers me the job (!!!!!), but does not offer X salary. I ask if I could take the day to figure it out. She agrees to talk to me the next day. I hang up. I cry. I pull myself together. I tell Colby. He says to take the job and make it work. I confirm to myself I’m taking the job and I’m going to make it work. I cry. I call my parents. I’m moving to Chattanooga.

In October of 2014 I arrive in Chattanooga. I cry. A lot. I have never been this far from my parents. The first time I saw my apartment in real life was the day I moved into it. The good Lord had his hand on this. It was perfect for me.

In December of 2014 I turned 30. And could not go home for Christmas. It was the first Christmas I spent away from my parents. I cried. And then I made myself a quiche and took a long walk. I was okay. I chose this. Jennie Gentry invited me to the movies with her family. I will never forget that.

In January of 2015 Jennie Gentry leaves Center Medspa.

In April of 2015 Nish adopts Bunny and Pippa. The sweetest 7 month old kitten sisters I have ever seen. I wasn’t a cat person. But their scrawny necks and goofy dispositions won me over very quickly.

In September of 2015 I was fired from Center Medpa. I have never had so much peace about such a bummer situation. I wasn’t scared. I can’t explain it. I immediately started interviewing for something new. About a week later I was hired on at Natural Body Spa. I never missed one bill payment. The good Lord had his hand on this.

In December of  2015 I started attending Calvary Chapel.

In February of 2016 I attend Group Start at Calvary Chapel. Group Start is an incubator of sorts to form Small Groups/bible study. It was weird sitting down at a table of 8-10 strangers and figuring out if you’re going to be friends. We would be friends. It’s so weird the way God works. I end up co-facilitating the group with my now best friend Lindsey.

In April of 2016 I buy my first car by myself. That’s a lie. It takes a village. With guidance from my parents and Nish, I buy my first car. I learned a lot about loans, and fine print, and being a woman in a man’s world. But after a few weeks of negotiations, I got what I wanted. Fiona, my Honda Fit.

In August of 2016 Sarah and her (now) husband Brice move to England.

In March of 2017 I left my job at Natural Body Spa and took a reception gig at Scenic City Eye Care. This was intended to be VERY interim. A few months tops until I figured out my next move (career-wise. I for sure wasnt leaving Chattanooga).

In April of 2017 I stopped crying and throwing up everyday from stress. I started to understand my new job. I started to get pretty okay at selling glasses. I started to understand how to file to insurance. I started to understand the world of independent luxury eyewear.

In the summer of 2017 I learn Nish’s next duty station would be in Valdosta, GA. I’m terrified. When I tell stories of my life in Chattanooga, I leave out the part about Nish being a constant source of support. I tell it like I’m this wildly confident, brave, independent woman who leapt and the net appeared. And I am.. to a degree. But Nish was one making sure I had enough to eat, he was the one taking me on adventures, he was the one rubbing my back while I cried because I missed my mom so much it physically hurt. I wasn’t alone. When he moved, I would be alone.

In October of 2017 I discover the Enneagram. It consumed me. I learn I am the way I am on purpose. It’s not a quirk or a flaw or a trait to be embarrassed or self conscious of. I am ON PURPOSE. I learn how to love my friends better. It totally transforms my dynamic with Lindsey. Our friendship is a gift from God. On paper, I do not know how we are even friends.. but it is so rewarding to learn about what makes her tick and try to remember those things in our interactions. Putting other’s highest good over my own. I don’t get it right every (read:most) times, but it’s fun to try.

In November of 2017 Nish moved to Georgia. I got the babies out of the deal. I never thought I’d be a cat mom. But here we are. I fell in love with them all over. It was a totally different experience having them with me all the time, as opposed to just visiting them at Nish’s house.

2018 was a really lovely blur of goodness. I learned that I was okay being on my own without Nish. I made a really wonderful cat mom. I was thriving in my post Enneagram / The Surprising Purpose of Anger (another life changing book, please read it immediately) glow. I was enlightened and empowered. It was a good year.

In October of 2018 I said out loud “I am going to visit Sarah in England.” I had been afraid of this. I was afraid of the expense. I was afraid of being away from the babies. I was afraid of the flight. To combat these fears, I starting making a plan on paper. This is how much I would need to save to cover missing a week of work, this is how much a flight would be, this is what I could expect to spend every day. This is an emergency fund should something go sideways. And from that I had a number. A dollar amount that needed to be saved— in full — before the trip. The number was not nearly as daunting as I expected. Just like that summer of saving to move to Chattanooga, I had a goal to work toward. Every recreational dollar spent, I asked myself– is this worth not going to England?– and almost always, it wasn’t. I had amazing, trustworthy friends to keep tabs on my babies, and the flight.. well.. there’s medication for that kind of fear.

In February of 2019 I bought my plane ticket to England.

In April of 2019 I flew to England with two of my dearest friends. We spent seven full days exploring villages and eating and going on adventures. It was truly my most favorite thing I’ve ever done for myself. Traveling makes me feel wildly capable.

I am the happiest I’ve been in a very long time. I have a job I love with my whole heart- it brings me joy, is continually rewarding, and gives me a very specific sense of purpose. I have friends who I cherish. I am proud of myself for maintaining relationships with people who aren’t physically in my life every day. It takes effort to not only make friends as an adult, but to keep them…and I am really proud of the people in my circle. I love being a Chattanoogan. I love this city- its people, its mountains, its seasons, its charm…

I’m excited about the year to come. I have a podcast in the works. And more optical puns than I know what to do with. 2020– I’m coming for you!

One of my favorite things to do is to take photos of strangers living their life. Is it creepy? A bit. Do I care? Not even a little.  Here’s the English Volume.

Here’s my face all over England. Please Enjoy.

I like the idea of a path.

It makes me feel safe- someone has traveled this way before, I’m not aimlessly wandering. A path feels hopeful- it’s creator saw it as a better way, a safer route. This was prepared for you. You were expected.

The path might get difficult. It might be uphill for long stretches. It might get rainy, or cold, or very hot. The terrain could get rough. Sometimes the path might get boring. For a while you may have to keep your head down and keep putting one foot in front of the other, watching out for roots or stumps or slick mud.  Sometimes the path is breathtaking. Sometimes the sun shines warm on your face and butterflies land on your fingertips and you know you are right where you are supposed to be.

Sometimes it feels like you are walking the path alone. How encouraging to know others have been where you are and others will come after you. Community could be inspired around this path- how you navigated particular sections, how to best prepare for certain seasons, what provisions you might need.

You can find rest on the path.. and when you’re ready to start again you know which direction to go.

      He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.He restores my soul. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Psalm 23:2-3

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6

My first phone call of the work day was from our patient Betsy. She explained her elderly neighbor, Ms. Josie, had broken her glasses and could not remember where she bought them to have them repaired. She told me she had recommended Ms. Josie come see us, as we are near her home, but Ms. Josie suffers from dementia and may or may not actually make it over. Regardless, she wanted to give me a heads up should Ms. Josie arrive and not be able to articulate the help she needed.

I didn’t think much of it.. until a few hours later when this precious little thing walks in with her care taker. Ms. Josie introduced herself, laid out three pairs of glasses on my counter, and began to explain..

“One has a hole in it [the lens had popped out] and the other two.. well one might be the same and one is different and I want to keep the same ones together.”

I glanced at Ms. Josie’s care taker to see if she understood what Ms. Josie was asking of me, she quickly shook her head. I repeated back what I heard..

“I’m going to put the lens back in this frame.. and… you need the prescriptions off the other two?..to see which one is the most recent prescription..?”

“Sure”

No problem. I replaced the lens and neutralized each pair. She was correct– two had similar prescriptions, one was vastly different and looked like it had been around longer than the other two. I made sure she knew the “good” prescriptions from the “bad” and tell her she’s all set. She took out her pocket book and asked what she owed me..

“You don’t owe us a thing- it was an easy fix and you had all the pieces.”

“Well bless your heart, I can’t just not pay you.”

I reiterate that it was no trouble at all and it was my pleasure it get her fixed up. She blessed my heart about six more times and hugged me. I’m on the verge of tears. Helping that sweet thing put such a smile on my face. My Grandma Mabel is in a similar season of life and I would want someone to be patient and kind with her.

I called Betsy to let her know we got Ms. Josie squared away and also what a blessing it was to witness her kindness and compassion toward her neighbor. She told me Ms. Josie doesn’t have any children and she considers it a privilege to look out for her.

“She is as sweet as they come, she’s a dear friend and wonderful neighbor.”

Later that afternoon I see Ms. Josie and her care taker walking toward our office. My first thought was – oh crap, the lens popped back out.. And then I see Ms. Josie carrying a bouquet of flowers. They come in and she handed me the flowers, telling me how sweet I am and she couldn’t NOT doing anything. Y’all. I lost it. I start crying and tell her how sweet SHE is and how she made my whole day and it’s just a giant love fest of how great everyone is.

God’s favor was all over this, y’all.. the phone call preparing me for what could have been a challenging situation, the sweetness of an old lady when I so dearly miss my grandma, the happiness that comes when I can serve others. I’m still beaming from the whole experience.

Be sweet to each other. If for no other reason than because you can.

As Christians, we should be the hands and feet of Christ to everyone- not just to the pretty, the well adjusted, the comfortable, safe folks (James 2). I struggle with that. My judgement game is strong. For someone who has been shown so much mercy and grace, I have a difficult time pouring it over others. I don’t know why.

I’ve always had a wall up when it comes to the homeless. Be it fear of the unknown (Will they hurt me? Will they want more than I can give?), distrust, personal greed, judgement (I work hard for what I have, I’m not just going to give it away to anyone with an out stretched hand).. I don’t know.. I would rather not engage. If I ignore the situation, it’s not real. If I acknowledge the situation, I am investing..do I have the energy to invest? Why on earth am I not investing?! These are people! What if I was in their position? What would I do? But I wouldn’t be in their position, I would seek help from the proper channels and pick myself back up. These are the mental rabbit holes I spiral down. Over the last few months I’ve felt the gentle, undeniable nudging of the Holy Spirit calling me towards the homeless community in Chattanooga. I’ve brushed it off, I’ve blatantly ignored it, I’ve made excuses. But it is undeniable. I feel the Lord tearing down those walls of separation, and to be frank, I don’t like it. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. It’s not a ministry I would have chosen. It’s not cute or tidy or comfortable– which is how I know this is not a JenFox promotional project but God at work. Super exciting..equally terrifying.

We had a lengthy discussion in bible study last week about knowing where to draw the line (being smart, safe, city-savvy ladies) when being charitable towards others- particularly the homeless. I see the guy with the sign standing by the traffic light near Target and I look the other way.  Everything in me says it could lead to danger. OR my efforts would be in vain, as the money wouldn’t go towards a noble endeavor. It’s the world we live in, you can’t trust anyone. I hate that, but I have seen first hand how quickly situations can escalate and become dangerous. Or your gift goes to the liquor store. or the meth man. or whatever and now you’re an enabler. Our conclusion was when you feel the Holy Spirit convict you- do something. It isn’s about what the person does with the money, it’s about you responding to the Holy Spirit. You might not feel compelled in every encounter,  listen to your gut/conscious/whatever and give when you feel called. I feel, for me, there has to be more than that. But I’m not sure what. In James 2 it talks about faith and works going hand in hand. It cant be all one or the other. If I claim to have faith in Christ, should I be making excuses for why I’m not doing more to help others? I know I have to be smart.. but am I using “common sense” as a crutch? It doesn’t stretch my faith to stay in safe harbors.. but I also don’t want to be a dummy and end up chopped to pieces in a freezer (see how quickly that escalated?? ..thanks Criminal Minds)

I’m not sure where it goes from here. Volunteer work seems a logical next step. What are your thoughts?

Dating apps like Plenty of Fish, Tinder, and Bumble have been my primary source of meeting guys since moving to Chattanooga. I love dating. I love meeting new people and hearing their stories. I love experiencing Chattanooga through someone else’s perspective.

I have two main lines of thought when it comes to dating apps. One line is- I’m not looking for anything serious. I just want an avenue to meet cool new people and if it naturally develops into romance, awesome. But it isn’t considered a waste of time if nothing comes from it. Another line is..I’m looking for a husband, and if I am to find a husband I need to be seen. As I don’t hit the social scene quite as often as I used to, dating apps are an avenue to be seen by someone I might not encounter throughout my daily endeavors. I am also able to quickly weed through a large amount of men in a short time..I don’t think there is anything really wrong with either of these thoughts. The idea that they serve two completely different end goals is not lost on me. I bounce between them fairly regularly.

I went on a date last week and it was so fun. The guy was cute, articulate, and thoughtful. But after one date I knew I wasn’t going to marry him. I can bottom line things pretty well that way.  So I find myself in this thought cluster … do I continue hanging out with him casually? What purpose does this serve if we met under the context of dating? I don’t want to waste his time or mine. I enjoyed his company, but if I’m looking for a husband and I know he’s not it– why invest? This has been the typical cycle of my last handful of dates.. it’s frustrating.. but it leads me to this..

There has been this reoccurring conviction in my life recently- am I really trusting God? Not just going through the motions passively and comfortably but actively, whole heartedly, I’m-so-uncomfortable-but-I-just-have-to-do-it trusting him. I was convicted of this in my tithing last year. Once I quit trying to justify why I couldn’t afford it and decided to trust him (Malachi 3:10) and release that control..I have had such a sweet closeness with God. I’m certainly not saying it was without struggle and, quite honestly, fear. But I brought those struggles and fear to him in prayer and worship and here I am making ends meet while tithing regularly- something I thought I could never do. Lately I’ve been feeling that same twinge of conviction in my dating life. I say my prayer is for God to bring me a husband.. and I’ve got a laundry list of criteria to go along with that.. but I’m spending my time investing in relationships I know won’t lead to marriage. I rationalize being on dating apps as..”well yes God is in control.. but I’m just going to help him out by getting my sweet little face out there..” because that’s what God needs.. MY help.. So I’m taking a step of faith. I am deleting my precious dating app profiles. If the good Lord has a husband lined up for me, I’m just going to have to meet him the old fashioned way.. by us reaching for the same avocado at the grocery. This is me saying “God you are in control.”  I have faith he knows the desires of my heart, but I also know that his plans are better than my own. And if that means a husband is not in the cards for me- so be it. It sounds silly to say this is scary…but it is. Relinquishing control has always been a challenge for me, but I look forward drawing nearer to God in this season.

I’m not saying dating apps are bad..I have tons of friends who have met wonderful men online that ultimately became their adoring husband. These apps have been a fun outlet for me for many years and I’ve been able to meet some really great, interesting men. This is just a conviction on my heart that I need to follow through on.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all  

Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I snapped at a dear friend yesterday.

This is how I know God has done a work in my life-  Five years ago, I would have been smug and satisfied with my assault. Today I feel like a garbage truck. The lack of self control. The self importance behind making myself feel right and her feel wrong. The lack of grace. I felt misunderstood by someone who understands me very well and that made me defensive and reactive. It’s humbling to have the issues you thought you worked through glaring back at you.

It reminds me of the Zing conversation between Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly in You’ve Got Mail. Joe Fox: Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them. “Hello, it’s Mr Nasty”

I said exactly what I wanted to say in that moment and for what?

For so many years it was the Jen Fox show. I was mean spirited, sharp tongued, closed off and just down right ugly. I made others feel small to make myself feel important and clever and better. It’s so gross. What God has shown me is this- making your ego the center of your world is sad and lonely. Life is so much more fulfilling when it is lived for Christ. Because of this desire to live for Him, I now CRAVE connection. I want to invest, I want to know your story, I want to love on you, I WANT to talk to you about what I’m feeling..It’s so wild. And God coming in and cleaning up my heart is about the only way I can describe it. (2 Cor. 5:27 ) My heart was hard and icy and I LIKED it that way.. I thought being emotional and having a heart for others made me weak and vulnerable. I have found the opposite to be true. It takes strength to care for others. There is freedom in living authentically.

I don’t get this right every day. In moments of stress, fear, self doubt.. SassPants Jennie shows back up. It’s like a default setting. But I’m mindful of it now. And the most beautiful thing- I don’t have to beat myself up for my misstep. There is no guilt or shame in my stumble. I don’t have to pretend to have it all together. (2 Cor 12:9 ) I can bring my struggles to Him. (Matthew 11:28 ) What a weight lifted, am I right?